Saturday, 4 January 2014

Morning Coffee

     One of my greatest pleasures in life is morning coffee, preferably in a cafe with a muffin, or a toasted teacake, and a good book. I love cappuccino but on occasions I have to settle for filter coffee. This is usually served with two cartons of UHT milk.  I don't know if you've ever tried using cartons of UHT milk but they never colour the coffee no matter how many cartons you add. While waiting for my toasted teacake I  have to drink enough black coffee to add a further four cartons, which are kept at the opposite end of the room. When my toast  arrives it's accompanied by a  solid brick of butter. After warming the butter in my hands,  so that it can be spread on my teacake, and adding six cartons of UHT milk in a futile attempt to colour my coffee, it's stone cold.
     Hotels are not much better.  Once they issued a key with a fob so large that it wouldn't fit into my pocket. Now I get a swipe card.  I wasn't born in the high tech age and I can never get the blasted thing to work. I put the card in the slot and the light turns green, but as soon as I attempt to open the door it turns back to red. After a dozen swipes I finally get into my bedroom and head straight for the kettle. There may be a half a dozen tea bags, half a dozen coffee sachets,  the ubiquitous  UHT milk cartons and one spoon, only ever one spoon even though it's a double room.
     The kettle is empty so where to fill it? The bathroom washbasin appears to be the obvious choice but the kettle won't fit under the tap unless placed at  an angle. It's possible to part fill the kettle  but while removing it  half the water empties  down the drain. The only other water supply is from the bath, because I don't want coffee enough to fill it from the toilet bowl, but it's impossible to reach the bath taps because of the fixed shower screen.
    Sachets are another problem, although they have a nick designed for tearing they never actually tear. After using my fingernails and my teeth, as I can never find any scissors, I have to give up as this sachet has been designed to be indestructible. A million years on a landfill site and this baby will still be intact. If it does tear,  it's never at the nick and the contents end up  all over the carpet. I do love a nice cup of coffee, don't you?


  1. Made me smile, Roy.
    I now know that these gremlins follow other folks too.
    Have a great New Year!

  2. It's good to smile Jackie. Happy New Year.

  3. I hope all is well Roy! I am fond of my Starbucks, but need to quit drinking it if I ever want to lose any weight. But when I am at home, I drink tea. And to top it off, I can't have caffeine. :-( Take care!

  4. Its all true and yes, I experienced the same.