Wedding Anniversaries

   When a man gets married he is told that this is his wedding day, although I am of the opinion that the bridegroom is little more than an accoutrement to the proceedings and ranked somewhere between the wedding cake, the flowers, the taxi's, and the bridesmaids.

     The bride dresses like a princess in an expensive gown with a veil, a train, and a tiara. The bridegroom dresses in a black rented suit. Everyone kisses the bride and tells her how beautiful she looks, while everyone shakes hands with the bridegroom and tells him how lucky he is. It should be obvious, even to the most optimistic of bridegrooms that this is her wedding day, along with all of the wedding anniversaries yet to come.

     In the early years of a marriage, recognition by way of a sentimental card and a bunch of daffodils from a galvanised bucket outside of the petrol station will be rewarded by a night of passion. As the years roll by daffodils will no longer cut the mustard and a delivery of the most out of season and expensive blooms from the local florist shop is required. This gesture alone is not enough and must be accompanied by a romantic evening at a nice restaurant with a decent bottle of wine.

After 15 years she would like something made from crystal, and after 25 years the husband has become so difficult to live with that he must cross her palm with silver. After 30 years of marriage only pearl earrings and a drop pearl necklace will compensate for his inadequacies, and the nights of passion have long since dried up, while 35 years requires that she be presented with something made from coral.

On the 40th wedding anniversary rubies are the order of the day, oh and wouldn't a five star holiday in the Mediterranean be nice? So the lady of the house gets a holiday and rubies and the long suffering husband receives an overdraft. Who decided that 40 years was a milestone in a marriage? I can understand the thought behind a quarter of a century together. I can understand why you might celebrate half a century together, but 40 years! What's all that about?

By the time you retire and are struggling to live on a pension things really begin to gather pace. Every five years more precious stones are required. First it’s sapphires and after that gold, followed by emeralds and diamonds if you are not in the poor house by then. Why on earth does a pensioner require all this expensive jewellery?

What I would like to know is in which year do I receive my gold watch and my long service medal?